A little less me than usual……

As any of you who suffer with mental health issues to any extent know sometimes they can rise up and smack you in the face when you are least expecting it. Sometimes life is just life, relatively normal, ticking along and suddenly you feel like you want the world to open up and swallow you just to keep from having to face the day.

Being honest I’ve had a few hints that this was coming, I’ve noticed myself looking in the rear view mirror of the car over the last week and not only using it to drive the car safely (yes sometimes I can manage driving!) but also as a way of criticising myself, comments like ‘look at your wrinkles’ and ‘shit job with your makeup today Luce’ have been creeping back in. I’ve been drawn to my bed to the point where getting up has been getting harder and some of the things I usually find joyful don’t seem to have been giving me the smile they usually would.

The final thing that has tipped me over the edge is the snow. I didn’t realise how much anxiety I had about driving in the snow until this morning. Yesterday karl was off and he has no issues driving in snow so it was something that I didn’t need to worry about. Today with the task of getting the boys to school and me to work I have literally gone to a million pieces. The thought of starting the car and skidding all over the place is all too much and I feel like my chest gets tighter every time I think about it. As it’s turned out Leo’s school is closed and I’ve decided not to risk driving to get Nate in after seeing the carnage on the hills going down into town on Facebook. Yet I’m frozen to the spot worrying. This ridiculous, illogical and quite frankly irrational worry is crippling me.

I have sorted a lift into work but I’m panicking about what will happen later if we can’t get home. I’m worried about karl getting home from work again. I’m worried that I don’t have the energy to get into the shower and that when I do get into work I will be less than useless. I’m worried because my sickness record is appalling thanks to my hysterectomy last year and I have to have my toe nail removed on Monday and I can’t be dealing with a spike in depression and anxiety now.

I am concerned that the people I love are getting fed up with how useless I have been lately, how little I have been myself and how much of a drain I am. Let alone the fact that soon I will be the one with one less toe nail and look like some sort of oddball. I’ve been in flip flops and one shoe on one off for about two months now and am getting a bit sick of it all.

I think reading this back it’s quite obvious why I’m feeling low. I have an exam coming up at work, some out of work commitments, an impending building project, surgery, a mess of a house and a general feeling that I’m absolutely not up to any of the tasks at hand. The snow seems to have been the straw that broke the camels back!

Being honest I’m not sure why I’ve written this post. It helps me to write things down, so I can make sense of how I’m feeling and so I know that anyone reading will understand why I’m not being myself. I also hope that other sufferers will like I often do take stock of the fact that I’m not the only one suffering. I know I have to keep going because I have no other choice but inside I want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever.

Be kind lovely people, look out for others, it may not make sense but many of us are not quite ourselves at the moment. If you managed to read this drivel I applaud you, not only do you deserve a medal but a massive cocktail with a sparkler and umbrella on me!

Sorry for being miserable. Hopefully I will be okay soon.

Lucy xxx

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Not just any old shelving…..

I as many of you know am someone who would love to be a minimalist but actually can’t stop buying and displaying stuff. You name it, pottery, stars, candles, knick knacks of all shapes and sizes and of course all manner of crafts made by the boys.

You can imagine then that storage becomes a bit of an issue and I am very much in favour of hanging storage and shelving so you can make the absolute most of the space you have.

My excitement then went through the roof when the lovely Kirsty from Destabled announced she was looking for bloggers to work with for some custom made storage. I was delighted to be one of the lucky ones picked and to be able to speak to Kirsty about what bespoke piece she could make for us.

Destabled works with wood and adds the unusual touches of crochet to their pieces so you end up with something functional but beautiful. Quite early on Kirsty and I discussed a ladder style shelving unit that could be hung and agreed on the painting being similar to Hague blue from Farrow and Ball. Kirsty sent over mood boards with colours and sketches of her visions so it was really interesting to see our shelves coming together.

When the shelves arrived I opened them up like it was Christmas Day. Something made just for us and to our specification totally. It came with all the fixings ready to hang on the wall and the colours are just stunning. I had originally intended to hang it on the back wall of our living room however it temporality got put on an old chest we use as a side table between our sofas and we loved it there.

It really draws the eye when you are sitting and is a handy spot for a lamp, displaying artwork and flowers. The crochet details are quite a talking point and everyone who has seen the shelves has commented not only on the colour but also the little details of the crocheted circles one on each side of the shelves.

I have always been one for seasonal displays and I am very excited for my Easter Tree and pastel themed Easter decorations to be displayed on my gorgeous shelves soon. I’ve been taking photographs of the various ways I have been styling the shelves and am very excited to show you.

You can see where Kirsty removes the knots in the wood and replaces them with crocheted flowers. You can also see the quality of the wood which is solid and Forestry Stewardship Certified.

You can see all of the beautiful things Kirsty makes over at her Etsy shop here. She also gives information on how to order a bespoke piece and offers colour matching with paints and colours from around your home.

Stationary boxes, parenting and the lovely Mila and Pheebs

This week like many others has flown by and I sit here on a Saturday afternoon wondering what happened to Monday!

It was always something I heard older people say about time flying and things going in the blink of an eye but as a younger person I would snigger and think about the world before me.

Now as a mother I often want to push the pause button and have time to actually savour the days as opposed to rushing through them and wondering how I have managed.

Life for me as many of you know is a constant state of juggling balls and spinning plates. Sometimes I don’t manage and end up with smashed plates all over the place and the balls hitting me in the head and other times I actually manage to get to the end of the week with a smile on my face and a glass of wine in my hand.

I have always and will always admire fellow mums who decide to do things their way. Whether that be by championing flexible working, starting their own businesses or other approaches to parenting. This is one of the many things I love about the community of people I have met through blogging and social media.

There are mums who work in photography, life coaching, floristry, writing, law, mentoring and various other fields all of whom do this around their children and running a home. One of these mums is the very lovely Alexis who is mum to twins who inspired her stationary business Mila and Pheebs.

The boys have been receiving stationary boxes from Mila and Pheebs for sometime. They are a monthly box which has a new theme each month. They include not only stationary but craft activities and other things to keep children amused and engaged. None of the contents require a screen or electricity and they come addressed to your children so they feel very special.

I have always filmed the boys opening their boxes as I love to see their reaction and surprise as they go through the boxes contents. The most recent box was themed around food and the boys had a blast making their own menus and using the craft equipment to make ice cream cones. You can see the most recent unboxing along with all the others here.

Sadly due to my being tired, a bit ill and ever so slightly overworked I actually filmed the most recent box opening vertically as opposed to horizontally. You have my massive apologies in advance. To say I’ve been off my game is an understatement. This week I’ve fallen over, forgotten keys, forgotten my lunch, over slept and just in general been shoddy at life!

Alexis like many business owners is really keen to hear more about what her customers and potential customers want and need from her product. She has asked if I would get my readers to take part in a short survey and in return she will be running a prize draw for anyone who takes the time to fill it in. Now that can’t be a bad thing! If you would like to take part in the survey please click here. You can also find out more about the amazing products Mila and Pheebs offer at the website here.

I hope that you have had a more productive and organised week than me but if you haven’t you can rest assured that you are in great company. There are parents the world over who are sat with a glass of wine in hand wondering how on earth they made it through this week and how will they get everything ready for the commencement of the next one (Just reminded me I need to wash the school uniforms!)

Much love, Lucy xxx