I had such a phenomenal response to my last post about my depression and anxiety and how I am at the point of seeking additional help and I wanted to say a huge thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to message, email and talk to me about what I wrote. It really is so tough and sadly its something that I have to live with as do the people around me.
Lots of the people who have contacted me to let me know I am not alone have been local and I wonder if there is more we can be doing to support each other? It’s something I’m doing a lot of thinking about and any ideas would be most welcome. I will continue to document my journey and also some ways of looking at your wellbeing whether that be physical or mental. Please don’t ever think you are alone, there are so many of us from all walks of life. Keep your heads up and your hearts strong!
So I now move on to the weekend, because of the hardcore and mentally draining week we decided to plan nothing other than the absolute essentials and keep life simple. On Saturday the aim of the game literally was to just get the boys new shoes. We had also planned as a treat to go to Kaspa’s In Canterbury (the restaurant that only serves desserts!) We were brave and parked in the Park and Ride just outside of town and the boys were most excited at the prospect of travelling on a double decker bus.
We had to sit upstairs at the back and Leo spent the whole of the fifteen minute bus ride on a packed bus asking questions at the top of his voice about diseases and germs. I was bombarded with gems like, ‘Do fleas live in poo? Do flies eat poo? Do flies spread diseases? What would happen if I licked a fly? Are there venomous snakes in England? Can venom cause diseases? What is anti-venom? I could continue but you get the drift. Luckily our fellow bus dwellers found the whole thing quite amusing and one couple marvelled at Leo’s extensive thirst for knowledge in the world of germs.
We then went to the shoe shop, it is a two minute walk from the bus station but both boys managed to run off, nearly knock shoppers over and run out in front of the one taxi that was driving along the High Street. When we opened the door to the very lovely children’s shoe shop there was a very loud bell that chimed repeatedly as we walked in. I could see the spark of mischief in the boys eyes as soon as they saw the bell but decided to hope for the best as we waited to get their feet measured.
Four pairs of shoes and £140 later the boys had begun to get bored so started opening and closing the door to the shop as we queued to pay. Leo wearing his brand new Sketchers trainers with flashing lights so bright I felt like I was at a disco. Nate in his super grown up trainer boots looking much cooler than both me and Karl. There wasn’t one person in the shop who wasn’t on edge at the constant ring of the bloody bell attached to the door. The trouble was every time I tried to stop them I grabbed the door so made even more noise. It was like torture!
We then went to Kaspas and after queueing for thirty minutes in which I had to use phrases such as, ‘Nate, don’t lick the counter’ and ‘Leo mind that mans waffles!’ were given a table right underneath a large flat screen tv showing Despicable Me. Perfect we thought, the boys will be happy, full of yummy puddings and entertained by the film. Alas the position of the screen meant that they kept trying to crane their necks in a certain way to watch the film and ended up leaving Karl and I with the impossible choice of either being physically pushed out of our chairs or having to have the boys sit on the outside where they had the opportunity to run off and cause chaos. I ate a very yummy chocolate and peanut butter waffle even though I had Nate’s elbows repeatedly poking me.
After this we had a large scale tantrum from Leo which lasted almost an hour as his pocket money would only stretch to one Lego Mini Figure and not the twelve he pulled off the shelf. Cue trying to get large five year old up escalators in posh department store while screaming ‘I WANT THE LEGO!’ ‘GET OFF ME FART BRAIN’ and my personal favourite ‘LEAVE ME ALONE NAPPY BABY!’
Today I cooked a roast and while I did so the boys played football out in the garden while Karl did manly outside jobs (not my domain!) We are very lucky to live where our garden backs onto a farm so we have a low fence and a beautiful view of farmers fields and cows. Of course we also have the issue that the boys footballs fly over the fence easily and at a frustrating frequency. Luckily you can access the field from a footpath along the road so Karl went to get the balls back. He did this three times before giving up and leaving the balls in the field. On the last time he hadn’t actually got back from chucking them back over the fence before Nate and Leo had managed to kick them back into the field.
The boys came in just as I was peeling the carrots and being small boys who never do as you expect both decided to eat as much carrot as they could. They would never do this if I asked of course! So it went that I peeled a carrot only for a small boy to wander past and take said carrot. This happened eight times before I had to start hiding the peeled carrots for fear there would be none left for dinner.
Once dinner was done and the boys bathed we were on the home straight and nearing bed time. We were laughing, feeling giddy to have almost got through a whole ‘simple’ weekend and soon to be able to sit down and watch a film. Then Alf the cat came in from the garden with half his nose hanging off after getting into some sort of fight with another cat. So to end our evening we spent £200 at the emergency vets only to be told he will have to go to our vet for a small operation tomorrow (loosely translated as another £200).
I dread to think what will happen the next time we have a weekend where we actually have plans to do something! Have a fantastic week you lovely people.
tiredfromwhitstable 