Hey all, how are we?
I am sorry if you have totally forgotten who I am, I have been painfully quiet I know but due to still being ill and 14 days away from the dreaded op I am still the worlds most boring person and quite frankly I highly doubt you want to hear about the movements of my neighbours, how much sleep I haven’t managed to get or the fact that I am watching Sons of Anarchy from Season one over again. Being honest the reason for this is two fold, one it’s an amazing series and two have you seen Charlie Hunnam?
Anyway I have a few bits to report and have actually managed to leave the house a couple of times and although felt crappy afterwards it has been a nice to get a little fresh air. As you all know I am usually a keen runner and exercise is a big part of my life. Since this most recent bad spell of health I had been really enjoying my running and the scenery around me however I have found that it just isn’t an option for me right now so the inevitable lack of exercise plus expanding waistline blues have kicked in.
Endometriosis has a way of kicking you when you are down, not only does it mean no end of ‘womens’ type issues but also aches and pains and various other ailments. I slowly feel like I’m going mad. All the things I love I am mostly not able to do, I am having to rely on others to help me live normal life and I can’t seem to sleep.
I recall earlier in the year a friend telling me about a potter called Keith Brymer Jones who has his studio in Whitstable and that just prior to Christmas he often has a studio sale and that I should go. I am a big fan in my old age of pottery and have come to have an almost addictive relationship with Emma Bridgewater in the last year. So when I saw on Facebook the sale was coming up I figured I should go to get some of the presents that need to be bought and wrapped before the operation. So my Mum who has also become one of my three chauffeurs came with me for one of the few times I got out of my pyjamas in the last week.
We got some lovely bargains and I even got to chat to the man himself about where he lives in Margate and the local area. I took a few pictures of his studio which was very quirky and matched his personality perfectly.
I also managed a very short walk to the woods where I usually run. I walked for only a few minutes before going back to the car. I had Karl with me and just wanted to feel like I had been out and seen the nature I usually take for granted as I run past. It gives me such a feeling of empathy for people who cannot get out of the house due to illness or disabilities and also the need to rely on others to help you. I cant imagine how down you must feel if this is how your life is. Especially at this time of the year when it is cold and dark.
So I find myself trying to not get too down, trying to keep my sanity and also trying to do all the things I normally would such as care for the boys and run a home. I am struggling with each and every one. This weekend while Karl has been working I have ruined two meals I have tried to cook (I thought they were fine but the boys begged to disagree!) watched the carpet in the boys room magically disappear under a pile of lego, cars, dinosaurs, playmobil and pants (bloody boys!) Watched as my eyebrows are slowly becoming one and the hair on my head gets more silver and yet haven’t really managed to do much about any of it. I did do some washing up and felt very pleased for myself but then went dizzy and needed to sit down!
I can’t wait to be writing once the operation is done and I can live properly again, I am so sorry that you have all had to listen to me moaning for so long. Anyway my thought for this week comes from the amazing Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, ‘You can’t go listening to every fucking voice that runs through your head. You’ll go nuts.’ Amen to that.