Sunday ‘fun’ 

Hey all, how are you? 

I am in a typical me fashion feeling low again, I imagine the weather changing, a really busy week and general grown up stresses are to blame. I also genuinely think I might be going through early menopause as having had a hysterectomy even with keeping my ovaries I’m at a greater risk of it coming within five years of the op. 

I am going to the doctor tomorrow who I’m sure will put his head in his hands when he sees me screaming inside his head ‘not her again!’ Anyway, being a bit low I’ve been feeling massively tired, so much so that this afternoon while snuggling with the boys on the sofa watching ‘Percy Jackson the Lightning Thief’ for the seven millionth time (that’s just today) I fell asleep. 

I woke up two hours later (neither boy had moved) to a missed call from one of my best friends so I got up in a slightly dazed and confused state to put the kettle on (who doesn’t need tea when they have just woken up?!) and called her as I walked into the kitchen. Not really aware of what was going on I went to the fridge and heard a noise behind me. This was Alf our black and white cat who is about fifteen and should be acting his age however he still thinks he is a kitten.

The next thing I knew a brown lump fling itself across the kitchen floor. I jumped and almost hit the ceiling and was screaming down the phone to my poor friend who I assume thought I was being murdered or having a serious episode. It was a mouse, a live mouse that Alf was tossing around the kitchen like a juggler. I ran from the room, shut the door and continued to scream down the phone to my friend who by Now was in hysterics. She has been called to help me with spiders before and knows how much of a wuss I am.

So the boys who being boys should have been saying, ‘it’s alright Mum, you may not get to have pretty pink things around the house or the choice of not having bogeys wiped on you but we are boys, we’ve got this’ but they didn’t, they were worse than me and were both river dancing around the living room. 

I called Karl, he is an hour away, he can’t help and being honest was about as sympathetic as if I had just slapped him around the face with a dead fish. So I was on my own. I got a little box in the hope of putting it over the mouse and getting it out in the most humane way possible. I opened the kitchen door a tiny bit and Nate my seven year old pushed me though slamming the door shut behind me. Like when they lock you in the room on the Crystal Maze and Just stand outside the door. These two also barricaded the door so the mouse couldn’t get out. Of course that also meant I couldn’t get out either. 

The poor mouse was wedged between a wooden toy lorry and a box of recycling bits (my home is never tidy) and I spent a number of minutes dancing around too scared to move anything incase it ran under the fridge. Eventually I had the nerve to move the lorry and quickly dropped the box down but not quite over the whole of the poxy thing so it was struggling to escape staring at me. I managed to sort it and then almost collapsed on the kitchen floor. 

I then had to push some card under the box and get the mouse out of the house, around the toy assault course and avoiding Alf who was prowling around unhappy I had screamed at him. I released the mouse (a wood mouse I have identified from google) and then both boys appeared with some cheese. I have no idea what the cheese was meant to do but Nate seemed happy that he could just eat the cheese and they carried on as if nothing had happened. 

I may be making a huge meal out of the whole incident but I don’t do pests, I don’t catch things and I certainly don’t stay calm in situations that involve any of them. You should see me if a wasp flies at me, it’s like watching that episode of Friends where Pheobe likes to run. 

Anyway today I have learned that I can manage totally on my own, the boys need some better training, I may need to pay for my friend to have hearing aids and that wood mice are very cute as long as they aren’t leaping around your kitchen.

Hope you are having a lovely weekend xxx

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A year in review……

Hey all, how are we?

So I realised this week that I have been writing ‘Tired from Whitstable’ for a whole year. I am struggling to process this fact and can’t help but think about how much has happened in the last year. Life is not unrecognisable but it certainly has changed and then some!

My boys have grown bigger and not just in size! Their characters and personalities grow every day and they are turning into real little people who have likes and dislikes, talents and loves. They also have honed their mess making skills over the last year to the point where I think they can now be awarded ‘expert’ status. 

Karl and I have grown as people and as a couple. We have had great highs and some devastating lows but we still stand together and work on us on a daily basis and isn’t that what relationships are about!

I suppose I should acknowledge some physical changes too, in the last year I have lost a womb, more than half of my hair (by choice), some of the colour of my hair (bloody greys!) and I have gained two tattoos, three new scars on my tummy, some laughter lines, some worry lines, a good stone in weight and HD brows (well not at the minute as I’ve not been in a while so they more resemble hairy caterpillars!)

How about the mental changes? Depression and anxiety have kicked me in the arse over the last year however now I am finally feeling strong enough to kick it back where it belongs. I’ve realised that I need to accept the things I cannot change and deal with the things that I can. I’ve met people who have made me realise so much about this world and its idiosyncrasies that I can see my place in it and I’ve learned some lessons the hardest way possible.

I’ve realised how important it is to embrace the things you love no matter how strange they seem to others because who you are should be celebrated. If I hadn’t have embraced my love for Instagram and gained confidence in taking pictures of all manner of things that many people don’t even notice I wouldn’t have started my blog, started writing a column for the paper or had the nerve to speak to you all about my mental health issues and how I hope to overcome them.

We change, we evolve and we build on our foundations because that’s what human beings do. Who can honestly say with their hand on their heart that they are exactly the same as they were a year ago? The changes in you might not be the way you envisaged them. You may have made mistakes, been alone and had to rebuild or you may have gone from strength to strength in your achievements. No matter how you became the person you are today you should be proud of who you are.

We can all be seen as ‘works in progress’ much of the time and anyone who claims to have it all sorted is either lying or incredibly naive. I have finally in the last year come to realise that to work on me is the most important thing, for my children, my husband, my family and my friends. I can’t be who I need to be for the people I love if I am a depressed, anxious mess and for that reason I refuse to let it define me anymore. 

This next year is going to be a big one, I can feel it and I know that you will be here with me. I can’t wait to see where we all are in a years time and how much we can achieve. 

Here’s to another year of comedy moments with the boys, ramblings about anything and everything, photography, flowers, love, family, friendship, trips out, ice cream and of course the cows at the bottom of the garden.

Thanks for taking the time to be here with me over the last year. I can’t thank you enough for being so amazing and know your thoughts, kindness and love have helped me through one of the hardest years of my life. Much love xxx

Catching up, news and parenting failures…..

Hi all, how are you?

Well we are now six weeks post hysterectomy and I am doing okay. I still get exhausted doing nothing at all and have some pain but so much better that I was. I am off to see the consultant tomorrow to plan my return to work and see how the healing has been going.

I am quite nervous about this because I feel like I have only been half of me in recent months and having lost so much confidence to go back to ‘normal’ will be hard, tiring and probably something that will take me a period of adjustment (can I wear pyjamas to work?!) I am also excited to be the old me again and to be more than a recluse who gets tired after an hour out of the house!

I have been able to use my recovery time to focus on some little things such as my Instagram account and how I take pictures. I took a free taster course run by Emily Quinton at Makelight and have enjoyed thinking more about the layout of the pictures I take and the lighting, composition and editing. This has definitely made my Instagram account a better space and I have been gaining some amazing new followers who have kept me from getting depressed in this period of recovery. I plan on writing a blog post soon about my photography (all done on my IPhone 7) and the bits I use to make my pictures that bit better.

As per normal in my home I have had the usual parenting failures that I encounter most days that this week do seem to have come more thick and fast than usual. Last weekend was a low point for me when while Karl was working and I was feeling crappy the boys were being particularly challenging. It started like any other morning in a family home. I was making breakfast, Nate was very specific that he wanted his toast buttered as soon as it came out of the toaster so the butter would melt appropriately so there I was knife in hand and butter open ready to spread when Leo poked his head into the kitchen and asked if I was still doing Nate’s toast to which I said I was. He disappeared off and I thought no more of it. Shortly afterwards (the bloody toast still hadn’t popped up) I heard him shout ‘FINISHED!!’ Realising he must have had a poo and need to be wiped I told him I would be in shortly after I had buttered the toast according to Lord Nate’s specifications.

I walked to the bathroom and Leo shouted not to worry and that he had done it. Being a Mum I didn’t trust this so opened the door and walked in only for my foot to land on something soft and warm. I was wearing new slipper socks (I get very cold) and said in a state of panic, ‘Leo, what have I just stood in?!’ His reply was ‘Eugh who’s pooed on the floor!’. Yes it was poo. I don’t know how he had managed it but he had got some on the floor. I felt like crying, I disinfected him, me, the floor, threw away my socks and we finally made it back to the breakfast table sometime later. When we eventually did sit down with me wishing I was drinking as opposed to eating cold toast Leo said, ‘When you die will I get this house?’ You can imagine what I wanted to say, I wanted to laugh, cry and scream but instead I managed, ‘no Leo everything will be halved equally between yu and your brother.’

We also had the issue of the new Lego Batman figures which the boys saved their pocket money for to purchase from Tesco at the weekend. My dad took them over as a treat and they returned eager to rip open the little yellow packages. Leo was nothing more than disgusted that one of his was a Batman pink fairy. He now refuses to acknowledge it’s existence and can’t quite get his head around why Lego would do this to him. I’m quite happy as I can display it on my vintage printers tray next to my Lego ballerina. What is they say, men are from Mars women are from Venus?

Have an amazing week and don’t forget spring is just around the corner. Come and find me on Instagram if you can (lucy_fisk) as I post daily updates on what has been going on throughout the week. I leave you with a quote from the amazing and sadly fictional Carrie Bradshaw, ‘When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep on walking.’

 

I need Baileys, paracetamol and the world’s biggest bar of chocolate……

I woke up this morning after a crappy day yesterday in so much pain, I hadn’t washed my hair in three days and was thoroughly convinced I smelled. 

I really wasn’t with it yesterday and didn’t really leave the bedroom much apart from a couple of small disasters such as running out of biscuits and Leo having lost every pair of scissors we own so trying to assist in locating some so Nate could make 3D stars (takes after his mother!)

When I actually left the bedroom this morning I couldn’t believe my eyes, it appeared that some sort of bizarre micro climate had swept through every other room in the house and a tornado had picked up everything we own and either smashed it to bits or thrown it into another room. Was it a tornado you ask? No it was Nate and Leo, just two small boys with a day off school fuelled with Christmas excitement and a mother recovering from major surgery who slept most of the day. Karl of course was around but in that strange biological mystery that is the difference in genetics between men and women he hadn’t noticed said tornado but apparently enjoyed that new car series Jeremy Clarkson is doing instead of Top Gear! 

I found a five pence piece in the plug hole in the bath, red icing on the kitchen floor, empty sweet packets secreted in various corners of the house and some pants on the living room floor. I had a small sense of humour failure, my OCD kicked in and I couldn’t quite process what to do to rectify it all. I decided to try and pick up all the decorations from the Christmas tree but it hurt, I tried to clean the icing off the floor but it hurt so instead I had a cup of tea.

We then had lunch, Nate wouldn’t finish his and when asked to eat the ham in his sandwich he said, ‘you know I’m no meat eater, I would rather be a triceratops’ we then watched a programme about great white sharks at Alcatraz (don’t ask) which Leo said he couldn’t watch as it was far too ‘old school’ for him (he is five) and now I think I will have a little snooze.

Happy weekend you lovely people xx