So this afternoon I made the classic mistake of thinking that I could just ‘pop’ into Tesco with the boys in tow. All I needed was milk and honey, surely as a woman in her thirties who has a mortgage, car finance, a job and many other responsibilities I could manage this?
So I marched in like I had it in hand, Leo had the trolley, yes for only two items but it kept both his hands busy! Nate had the scan as you shop scanner and I bet I almost looked cocky. I even stopped to pick some tulips out for myself, the nerve of me!
I should mention that Nate also had a large wooden stick, like an extra long chop stick that he had coloured in at school and insisted on bringing in with him. This will all become relevant later on in the tale!
So we managed the honey and I misjudged and found myself too close to the toy aisle. Leo had a glowing report at the school door today so I didn’t mind a little treat and he and Nate both chose themselves a little something. It was then Leo declared he was so desperate for the toilet that he would wet himself. Cue sprint along the shop, trolley and all to get to the toilets, me having to leave the trolley outside with a staff member who obviously thought I was about to steal the honey and toys and then all three of us went to the ladies.
Leo spent ages and sang whilst in the cubicle and lots of old ladies looked at me like I had two heads as they couldn’t hear themselves talk over Leo’s rendition of ‘he’s got the whole world in his hands’.
So then it was back to the shopping, Nate decided he wished to change his toy so the boys both headed back for the toy aisle. They bent down to look at something on the bottom shelf while I glanced over at the pretty princess toys I never get chance to buy and then heard ‘MY EYE! HE’S POKED ME IN THE EYE’! Sure enough Nate had accidentally managed to poke Leo in the eye with the long, colourful wooden stick and Leo was holding his eye like it was about to fall off.
Clever mummy decided the best way to distract them was the ‘free fruit for children’ stand so we went and grabbed an apple when all we needed to do was grab milk and go. In what seemed like two seconds later both boys had finished and wanted me to hold the cores. The trouble was I was at that point pushing a trolley, holding a scanner, a hand bag and the long wooden stick. I decided there would be a bin by the checkouts so gestured to Nate in that general direction.
He of course went the opposite way and found himself by the self service tills where he did locate a small waste paper bin for his apple core. Leo then put his in a hole in the side of one of the counters which I then with much embarrassment realised was the place the staff put security tags in when they took them off items that had been sold.
We finally headed for the milk when Leo declared that he needed olives. Being a child who loves olives we have plenty at home and I really didn’t want to be queuing to buy the extra expensive ones from the deli like he wanted me to. A massive lay on the floor tantrum ensued just by the fish counter and the staff entrance to the back of the shop. Basically the M25 of the supermarket. He was screaming mostly in a way no one could make out other than the occasional ‘stuffed olives’!
We finally got the milk and made for the till, I paid, I could feel myself hyperventilating and the eyes of the other people burning into the back of my head as the boys twirled the trolley round shouting ‘ye ha’!
In the car as I pulled out of Tesco Nate started to speak and said, ‘I love….’ I thought, bless him, he is an absolute monster but he does love me. He ended the sentence with ‘party rings’.
The next time any of you may see me walking with my children towards any kind of business, eating place, in fact public place at all please push me in the other direction and remind me of today!