Hey all, I hope you are having a fab week.
I write this blog post from my bed in my pyjamas and feeling very poorly. If any of you have been following my Instagram for any amount of time you will know that I have not had the best of health in this last year. This all culminated in me having an operation in June to hopefully diagnose and treat the condition. However this didn’t go according to plan and fast forward four months and it would appear that actually I am suffering with a kind of endometriosis and the best way to deal with it would be a total hysterectomy.
Now, I hear you, this is a big thing, a post about something so massive but I felt it needed to be written down, partly so I can get my head around it and also to share the train of thoughts I have been having since I found out. Stick with the post please, it won’t all be doom and gloom!
I am on board with this plan of action, I am lucky that I have two beautiful children, a lovely husband and a complete family life. I may be thirty three which is on the young side for such a drastic procedure but I am not so much of a fool that I wouldn’t have it when I know that it will improve my quality of life as well as that of my family (who wants mummy laying around in her jims not wanting to take you out!) It is a massively thought provoking turn of events though, not just for me but for others around me too.
The main thought from others seems to be what if I decide to have more children? What if my family isn’t quite complete and I am taking away my chance? Well I have blogged before about my wanting to have a girl but ultimately deciding that my family is absolutely complete and that we wouldn’t be having anymore than our gorgeous boys. This is still a massive thought though isn’t it, that my body is letting itself down so much that I am having to take away the reason I was put onto this planet, the thing that makes me a woman. When thinking about this I think of all the women who have gone before me in this world, some who will have suffered similarly to me and wouldn’t have been able to get help. Some who fought for women to have the rights that we do today and for the equality we enjoy in our modern world.
Surely as a woman and a mother I owe it to my family, myself and other women around me to show that I have the power over my body and how it affects me and to take control over my own future. If we break a leg we have treatment and do what we need to do to get better. This is surely no different? I can completely understand how unfair and totally devastating such news would be to a woman who had yet to have children. Not all women want to have a family and that is of course a choice that we are all entitled to make however I imagine that most women see themselves as a mother at some point in their lives. There are many women my age who are yet to start their families and to have to face a hysterectomy would be life changing. I think this is why it is not routinely offered to women who are yet to have children unless it is a last resort.
I have spent a lot more time since finding out watching my boys. The things they do, the funny things they say, the mannerisms they have which they have got from Karl and I and how we have raised them to be the lovely little people they are. Nate, so full of passion and enthusiasm, keen to please, kind and gentle and so so clever. Leo, such a sweetie with a brain that could out think us all, an energy like one I have never known and such a massive heart that he tries to hide behind a rufty tufty boy exterior.
I wonder when the boys grow up whether they will understand my decision to have such a massive operation at such a young age and take myself out of the game for a couple of months while they are so young. Do you know I think they will, surely it’s a small sacrifice in the years I will share with them and the activities that my be affected if didn’t go ahead and have the operation.
I am so lucky to have a great family and friends around me who I know will be there and support me through this journey. My best friend had the same operation only earlier this year so it seems very strange having been through her journey with her to now have swapped places.
I finish with a little thought courtesy of A.A Milne (well Winnie the Pooh)….
“Love is taking a few steps backward, maybe even more… to give way to the happiness of the person you love.”