Hey all! Hope you are all well!
So I’m currently remembering what it was like to be a teenager, full of uncontrollable emotions, anger, sadness, love, happiness, feelings of inadequacy, confusion (you know them, you’ve been there!) Thank goodness those days are over…… WRONG!
Today is my youngests fifth birthday. My darling little Leo who makes me laugh daily and who also drives me to drink nightly. I had all sorts of mixed emotions when he was ripping open his parcels this morning with a beaming face and tired eyes from the early start due to pure excitement! I however was eating key lime pie at midnight to keep the sugar rush up for the energy to finish wrapping said parcels.
I felt happy that this amazing little man is mine and a whole year of his life we are celebrating once more, sad that he is growing so fast and not a baby anymore, worried as Nate his older brother seemed sad as he wants it to be his birthday too and old (not really an emotion but I’m sure you get it!)
I then had an hour of hurt as someone I care about hurt me, it was a stupid thing and I should let it wash over me but as many humans do I’m sometimes not very good at doing what’s good for me! I felt tired, sad and angry. This was closely followed by inadequacy and disappointment (all about me, okay maybe a little about them!)
I then moved onto the whole I am a strong person who won’t let the shit get me down side of thinking and became empowered, forthright and a bit happier. This was helped massively by my amazing friends and their words of kindness and love (you know who you are!)
I ended up here, sat on the bed needing to have a shower so we can begin Leo’s birthday day out. Thinking thank goodness those confusing times of being a teenager full of mixedupness is gone and then realising that actually I’m just as bad only now I worry about more serious things than will the girls in the class like my new trainers, when will my mum let me shave my legs (I’m a grown up don’t you know) and will the woman at Tesco think I’m old enough to buy ten Marlboro lights (they always did, I was lucky to be one of those tall, lanky teenagers!)
Have an amazing day you lovely people and never forget….. Stars can’t shine without darkness.