Yesterday I started writing a blog post about confidence and due to time literally flying by I didn’t get to finish it. Today I know how yesterday went and am finding it very interesting to reflect back on just how different and changeable our emotions can be from one day to the next.
I wrote about how worried I was to take the boys swimming on my own. It was hard work and I was so tired when we got home, not helped by the heat or the fact that Leo managed to have an accident in his swimming shorts!
I am so lacking in self esteem at times that it blows my mind, I am so horrible to myself that I believe all the nasty things I tell myself about not being able to cope and how rubbish I am.
In the grand scheme of things should I be so concerned about how others see me or what they think of me? Surely as long as I am happy and the people I love are happy that’s all that should matter. I realise it’s what I think of me that I need to work on!
As Steve Jobs once said, ‘don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your inner voice’, what a wise man.
So, here it is, Lucy bashing at it’s best, my unfinished blog post from yesterday.
Have a lovely weekend xx
Today for the first time in a good few weeks I am taking the boys to swimming on my own. Now that sounds as simple as making a cup of tea or putting your shoes on doesn’t it. Well I’m not so sure, as we know life with little ones is never predictable and their moods often affect how things go.
For example on a good day there would be no moaning about getting changed after school to go to swimming, the boys would happily put their shoes on and go to the front door where they would wait for me to open it and walk nicely to the car, they would put their own seat belts on and when we got to the pool get changed quickly and without screaming or trying to fight eachother, do their lessons listening intently to their swimming teacher, have a quick but reasonable shower after and then dress quickly ready to get back into the car and go home for tea.
On a bad day and being honest the most often occurring of moods they would refuse to get changed, refuse to wear shoes, refuse to get in the car, not want to get changed at the pool, demand money for the overpriced toy machines they have in the waiting area, lose their pants, shoes, shorts etc, ignore the swimming teacher and do their own thing (which with Leo is often going into another pool), refuse to get out of the shower and still be stood their twenty minutes after their lesson has finished and then not be able to dress properly because they had lost the earlier mentioned items. They would then argue about what they want for tea and I would feeling frazzled take them to the drive through for a happy meal like one of the worlds worst parents.
So I am sure you can understand why I am a tad nervous about this prospect on my own this evening as Karl is working. He is also working for the next four days so it’s mum only which is always interesting.
I realise a lot of this is due to my confidence, I’m so good at making myself feel rubbish by telling myself I am useless and that I can’t manage. I can of course manage, I have been doing so since the boys came along and karl has always been there sometimes and not there at others. None of this is new to me, apart from being ill so having extra help recently nothing will be out of the ordinary and yet still I’m sitting worrying about it! Will I manage, what must the other parents think of me, what will I do if Leo plays up, does everyone realise how useless I am?