Hi all, I find myself today in a very dark place. I don’t want to bore you with all the details but suffice to say that I am feeling very down.
As many of you who suffer or have suffered with depression and anxiety before will know sometimes we don’t deal with things in the best way and that is usually for ourselves. People in my life often don’t understand why I give myself such a hard time about things and in lots of ways am my own worst enemy. I never understood it for a long time, I would go over negative words people had said and almost use them as weapons against myself. I would over think the tiniest point until it became like a giant mountain blotting out the sun and I couldn’t get over it. I would make people around me miserable because I was so down.
All of my learning over the past few years has massively helped me in this area, 90% of the time I can see things for what they are, from the right perspective and deal with them accordingly. Often by rising above whatever it is or simply by realising it isn’t something that I need to let affect me terribly but sometimes this seems almost impossible. Particularly when it’s something that has been ongoing for sometime or that has the potential to cause you significant hurt.
My question is and I’m not sure that anyone at all will know the answer is when is enough enough? When do we realise that actually moving on, giving up, or stopping something completely is the best thing to do as opposed to continually trying, faking a smile and making the effort sometimes for the benefit of others. When does it no longer become healthy to struggle on, when is the right time to think it’s time to stand up for what I want and not let it get to me anymore?
There will always be people in our lives who will be there no matter what, through thick and thin and for any reason. There will always be some who expect you to be there for them but aren’t so good the other way around. Sadly we often realise which kind of friend that person is when it’s a time when we really need them.
I think the answer is that sometimes as adults we have to be grown up enough and tough enough I guess to say, enough is enough, I’m not a bad person and I deserve to be treated with respect and care. Now let’s see if I have the guts to go through with it!
Xx
tiredfromwhitstable 