Depression…. you b*****d

When I speak to people who read my blog (my mum and Auntie Bev…. hello!) they say how they like how honest I am about mental health. That I speak about my struggles openly and that others respect me for that.

Things have been good lately, life has been busy, tiring and there has been lots to organise and remember but I’ve been okay. That is the thing about depression and anxiety, you can be in control, on top of them, managing and smiling then all of a sudden the clouds come over and you start to doubt everything you are doing.

I’ve known it was coming this week and smiled through my working week thinking once I’m home it will be okay. The first day off was fine, the sun was shining and I went shopping for new work clothes with my mum. We had a nice lunch and talked about life and I enjoyed every minute. 

When I started trying on clothes in the shops I knew that it was inevitable I would have a wobble, I’ve gained weight, around three stone since 2014 when I went down to only nine stone which for someone of five foot seven was too small. I do now though feel bigger than I should be and am having all the feelings that go with it such as thoughts of being unattractive, disappointed with myself and in short an elephant in jeggings.

Yesterday was tough, it was pouring down with rain when I woke up and as Karl was on earlies I was on school run duties and Leo as he often does at the worst possible time decided to be the child who calls his mother an idiot and refuses to do anything. I got to school with tears in my eyes and felt like I could manage nothing more than sitting under a blanket and pretending the world outside didn’t exist.

The problem was that I had booked to go on a photography walk with the very lovely Karen at ‘Love your Camera’. Karen is becoming a friend and I really enjoy hers and other creatives company however I couldn’t deal with the thought of being sociable. There was a question mark over whether the walk would go ahead due to the weather and I emailed Karen and asked if it was okay for me not to go. All the other participants felt that they wanted to brave the rain so I somehow picked myself up and made myself go and of course had a fab time with some amazing people. Still knowing though that the bastard black cloud was hanging over my head.

Today was the start of four days off with Karl and two days off with the boys after their first week back at school and Nates first week at junior school. It started with swimming lessons which involved Leo refusing to get in and then once he had faking sickness so he could get out. 

We then went into town and had breakfast rolls at Champs, one of our favourite bakeries and cafes. The food was yummy but the boys were hard work with Leo managing to spray Ribena all over his face and Nate wiping his greasy bacon fingers over my bright and cheery floral kimono I had worn to lift my mood.

I knew when we got home I would have to embrace it, not everyday is going to be sunshine and happiness and if it’s a down day tomorrow will start afresh. I can’t let a bad day become a bad life. I can’t let myself get into the cycles I was in before where my lack of self esteem made me the saddest and most unrecognisable version of me I have ever been. 

I think being a woman (or a man) with MH issues you need to embrace the fact that you will always be more susceptible to bad times than others. Then add all the shit life can throw at you and it would be foolish to think you will be able to be on top of the world every moment and all sunshine and flowers. Well I suppose my life is more full of flowers than most but you know what I mean! 

Tonight I plan on eating a bar of my favourite chocolate and being okay with me. Okay with being a little bit off my game and embracing the fact that sometimes the clouds get a bit dark. It is just that though, they won’t be like that forever and soon the sun will shine again. Until then I have candles, blankets and the aforementioned chocolate (no you can’t have any!) 

If you are feeling crappy and low tonight know you are not alone. Millions of people all over the world are suffering with their mental health but none of them are you. You have the power over your mental health and only you can understand it and deal with it accordingly. Therapists, family and friends can help us get the skills and tools we need to deal with it but it’s us who has to pick up those tools and go forward. Pick up that axe and smash the fuck out of your anxiety and depression because although it’s a part of you it’s not who you are and never forget it. The people who love you won’t.

Sorry about all the swearing, it seems chocolate makes me aggressive! Get in touch if you need to. Lots of love, Lucy xxx

Time the simple way; a collaboration with Jord Watches……

Hi all, how are we?

My most recent post was about my realising that I prefer to live life simply. I was blown away with the comments, emails and messages I received from so many others feeling exactly the same way as me. So you can imagine I’ve been thinking more and more about this subject.

I’ve not really done any collaborations before so when the lovely people at Jord Watches asked if I would be interested in collaborating with them being honest I really wasn’t sure. I questioned whether the people who read my blog would think I was selling out, being too commercial or whether in fact there is a place in my life for a new watch.

I currently wear a fitness tracker watch, it calculates my steps, distance covered, hours of sleep, active minutes per day, tells me my heart rate, vibrates and shows text messages on the screen from my phone as well as phone calls so I’m always aware of everything going on if I’m wearing it.

When I looked at the Jord website and saw the selection of simple, wooden watches in many gorgeous designs I knew I wanted one. It’s been so long since I’ve worn a conventional watch and the simplicity of the designs all made in wood really caught my eye.

Jord watches tired from Whitstable
If I’m embracing a more simple life surely it would be okay to not monitor every step I take, analyse my sleeping patterns or be constantly available via my watch?

As a busy working woman and also a mum I have to be organised, I have to plan dinners, food shops, social events (mostly for the boys!) childcare, house work, bill paying, blog writing, column writing, various appointments and of course the odd half hour to watch Eastenders (guilty pleasure alert!)

Just because I have to be on top of these things doesn’t mean that we can’t live simply, I take my time and consider everything we do, will it be stressful? Will it make us tired and grumpy? Are we asking too much of ourselves or the boys? If the answer is yes I have got much better at prioritising accordingly and realising that tiny moments are what are important not how many days out we go on or social events we attend.

When my watch arrived it came in a gorgeous wooden box with a sliding lid along with some wood treatment oil and all of this sat in a cardboard tray to keep everything together. Inside were instructions, two kinds of cleaning cloths one for wood and one for the watch face and the watch itself around a little pillow to keep it in shape.

Jord watches tired from Whitstable
The first thing that struck me was how light my new watch was. It sounds silly but I hadn’t anticipated the difference in weight between a wooden watch and a conventional one. It looked lovely on my wrist, elegant and simple. Just what you would want when embracing a simpler lifestyle.

My new watch had it’s first outing to a family day out at Dover Castle. Ordinarily I would be interested to see using my fitness tracker watch how many steps I had taken and how many floors climbed running around after the boys and up and down hills and castle stairs but yesterday it didn’t matter. I would feel in my legs how far I had walked and moved and when I got tired I would know I had worked hard. I didn’t feel the need to check my active minutes, my heart rate or whether I had missed any notifications on my phone.

Jord watches tired from Whitstable
I simply checked the time, the time that was best for our packed lunch, when the next jousting tournament would begin, when the next tour of the wartime tunnels would start and to marvel at how time flies when I realised we had been running around for five hours! I had some compliments and one lady in particular commented how she had never seen a wooden watch and even tried it on!

Jord watches tired from Whitstable
I’m not saying for one minute that there isn’t a place for my fitness watch, that I can and will be able to switch off from the world at any time I like or that wearing this watch will suddenly make me live the simple life I crave everyday, however I can state as a fact that I checked my phone less, used less technology and felt stylish (I think the last time that happened was 2003 and I’d just had my hair dyed red!)

If it helps to enjoy the time I have and live even a little bit more simply then that for me is a winner and as you know for someone trying to combat and survive mental health issues that has got to be a good thing. Wellbeing is so very important and yesterday even with the boys appalling behaviour at many moments I felt like I had done a small amount towards a little bit of mindfulness.

Jord watches tired from Whitstable
If you follow me on Instagram you will know the things the boys got up to so I won’t repeat it all but just to emphasise the behaviour imagine this. A new exhibition of some of the outfits worn by the famous actors in the movie Dunkirk. Teenage girls giggling and taking selfies by the costume worn by Harry Styles from One Direction, others marvelling at the authenticity of the officers uniform worn by Kenneth Branagh and then an ear piercingly loud alarm sounds. We look around to find Nate lovingly fondling the fabric from Harry Styles costume. Not because he loves Harry Styles but because he loves to touch and fiddle with anything. Yes the expensive outfits were alarmed with all manner of loud alarms to prevent anyone taking anything. Cue us awkwardly shuffling out pretending our children were not the worst behaved ones there but inside bearrating ourselves for being such awful parents.


So the collaboration part, follow this link and enter your details to be in with a chance to win $100 off any watch over at the Jord website. Even those who don’t win will receive a $25 voucher. Good luck lovely people! 

To check out the Jord Website and have a look at the gorgeous watches please follow these links:

For my watch click here

For women’s watches click here

For men’s watches click here

and for the home page you can click here.

The competition will close on the 9th of September 2017. Good luck! 


> Luxury Wooden Watch
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A year in review……

Hey all, how are we?

So I realised this week that I have been writing ‘Tired from Whitstable’ for a whole year. I am struggling to process this fact and can’t help but think about how much has happened in the last year. Life is not unrecognisable but it certainly has changed and then some!

My boys have grown bigger and not just in size! Their characters and personalities grow every day and they are turning into real little people who have likes and dislikes, talents and loves. They also have honed their mess making skills over the last year to the point where I think they can now be awarded ‘expert’ status. 

Karl and I have grown as people and as a couple. We have had great highs and some devastating lows but we still stand together and work on us on a daily basis and isn’t that what relationships are about!

I suppose I should acknowledge some physical changes too, in the last year I have lost a womb, more than half of my hair (by choice), some of the colour of my hair (bloody greys!) and I have gained two tattoos, three new scars on my tummy, some laughter lines, some worry lines, a good stone in weight and HD brows (well not at the minute as I’ve not been in a while so they more resemble hairy caterpillars!)

How about the mental changes? Depression and anxiety have kicked me in the arse over the last year however now I am finally feeling strong enough to kick it back where it belongs. I’ve realised that I need to accept the things I cannot change and deal with the things that I can. I’ve met people who have made me realise so much about this world and its idiosyncrasies that I can see my place in it and I’ve learned some lessons the hardest way possible.

I’ve realised how important it is to embrace the things you love no matter how strange they seem to others because who you are should be celebrated. If I hadn’t have embraced my love for Instagram and gained confidence in taking pictures of all manner of things that many people don’t even notice I wouldn’t have started my blog, started writing a column for the paper or had the nerve to speak to you all about my mental health issues and how I hope to overcome them.

We change, we evolve and we build on our foundations because that’s what human beings do. Who can honestly say with their hand on their heart that they are exactly the same as they were a year ago? The changes in you might not be the way you envisaged them. You may have made mistakes, been alone and had to rebuild or you may have gone from strength to strength in your achievements. No matter how you became the person you are today you should be proud of who you are.

We can all be seen as ‘works in progress’ much of the time and anyone who claims to have it all sorted is either lying or incredibly naive. I have finally in the last year come to realise that to work on me is the most important thing, for my children, my husband, my family and my friends. I can’t be who I need to be for the people I love if I am a depressed, anxious mess and for that reason I refuse to let it define me anymore. 

This next year is going to be a big one, I can feel it and I know that you will be here with me. I can’t wait to see where we all are in a years time and how much we can achieve. 

Here’s to another year of comedy moments with the boys, ramblings about anything and everything, photography, flowers, love, family, friendship, trips out, ice cream and of course the cows at the bottom of the garden.

Thanks for taking the time to be here with me over the last year. I can’t thank you enough for being so amazing and know your thoughts, kindness and love have helped me through one of the hardest years of my life. Much love xxx