Having a massive word with myself

It’s amazing how a couple of days can give you some perspective, Monday I felt useless and ill, Tuesday I dragged myself to work still not better but with the thought of a huge ‘to do’ list spurring me on, Wednesday a day off, boys at school, husband on a golf break so a day of sorting and organising the many many piles of paperwork in the drawers we ‘file’ stuff in and then a mooch around the many charity shops Whitstable has to offer. 

I have come home again boys in tow but with a clearer mind, a sense of purpose and a feeling of achievement. A very wise friend of mine said to me on Tuesday that I need to stop putting myself down, I questioned it and thought… But I’m positive, I can weigh things up and I’m always trying to empower others, then I read my post from Monday and thought….. Ah.

Something I accepted sometime ago was that we have good days and bad days, sometimes it’s sunny, sometimes it rains and I have become very good at giving situations and circumstances a perspective however it appears I am not as good as I thought, so in the words of the ever wise Albus Dumbledore I leave you ‘happiness can be found in even the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light’. 

Setting a good example

Morning all, how are we? Well it’s Monday and I should be back at work this morning however I’m waiting to see the doctor. 

I won’t bore you with the details but needless to say ongoing ‘women’s issues’ have kept me at home again. I’m starting to feel like a broken record but I genuinely felt like the worlds worst mother and the least strong I have felt for sometime this weekend.

I am raising boys, boys who love to run around like loons, live life at 500 mph and who I want to grow up with a strong mum who looks after them and imparts on them respect for women. So you can imagine how I feel when yesterday I spent all day on the sofa under a blanket feeling like I had the energy of an abandoned banana skin and saying things like ‘I’m sorry darling, mummy isn’t feeling very well’, sure we all get ill but I feel like a pathetic mess.

Due to shift work although my husband and I are very much a team we often have stints of parenting on our own so you can’t do the ideal and send them out for some fun with daddy. My parents have dropped them at school for me this morning so after the dr I can come home and be a pathetic mess where no one can see me!

How do we manage it? To be ill, poorly and vulnerable and to still to be the parent we want to be and our children know? 

A typical ‘rest’ day 

Happy Saturday to all! I am on a day off from work, I say that with some sarcasm as most of you will know that with little people there is never really a day off at all! 

We started off with a little lay in which I have to say was so needed! My sole job for the day was to post a parcel (one of my good idea, get rid of old clothes on EBay moments). It started with ‘Why do we need to go to the post office? They are sooooo boring’. I cannot tell you how many times I explained that it would take two minutes but to Nate, 6 and Leo, 4 patience is not a virtue. 

I gave them the choice of the activities from the day and was met with the usual, toy shop, zoo, the fair, etc. We decided on the beach and conveniently a lovely beach nearby in Seasalter is on the same road as the post office. 

I am hugely lucky to have grown up in Whitstable, living by the sea and all the nature it has to offer. My boys can boast the same start. We spent a couple of hours collecting shells, making sand castles and then took a wander down to the Seasalter Sailing club and watched the boats go out.

Then home for lunch and the usual ‘we want to make a cake’, which turned into me making a cake, two boys covering in flour arguing over who cracks which egg and then leaving me to it to play football in the garden. 

So two hours after that, the cake is made, iced, I’ve done the washing up and put Alice in Wonderland on for them. Of course they both moaned as its for girls! But both are now engrossed. I however am also covered in flour, icing sugar and hundreds and thousands and am collapsed next to them on the sofa looking like I’ve run a marathon and needing a cuppa I can’t be bothered to get up to make! 

My husband will shortly be home after a day at work when I get to go to boot camp (Team Beaver Bootcamps Whitstable) to be shouted at by a grown up male all in the name of burning calories! 

God bless Lewis Carroll!